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Sunday, August 28, 2011

What me worry? :)

You know times are bad when non-essential goods cost as much as essential goods.

Yup, petrol costs as much as beer nowadays.

When I first bought my car, I remember the sales guy tell me it can cross 15 km after putting in a ‘fine’ liter of petrol. It’s only later I realized that he actually meant ‘five’ and not ‘fine’. Some other bloke said I’d get very high mileage under “showroom” conditions. I so really want to find where that stupid conditioned “showroom” is cos the only time my car crossed 15 km on a liter of petrol was after pushing it myself for 10. Some other idiot later told me that my car gives me more smiles per liter; well, the only guy smiling has always been the pump owner whom I generously donate a big part of my meager salary every month just to satiate my car’s incurable addiction to petrol.

Sure I down a few glasses of spirit every week. You think I’m alcoholic? Well, you should meet my car – it downs so much spirit every week that if Amitabh Bachchan’s ‘Sharaabi’ was remade today, my car could play the leading role with so much conviction that even the film’s then heroine, Jaya Prada, would not be able to tell the difference.

And damn that thing called inflation cos now even petrol prices are going up now (as if price increases of beer was not enough already! L)

So, I’ve been wondering what’s the best way to beat the rising fuel prices.

My first brilliant idea of marrying the local petrol pump owner’s daughter did not prove to be too enterprising mainly cos I ended up snooping around and spying on the wrong house (yes, like my car, my sense of direction also sucks!). Later I realized that it was not the local pump guy’s house but the local police constable’s house that I was snooping on. Also, a pump owner can’t slap people that hard (ouch, it still hurts!) Well, my unreliable set of good friends later gave me a reliable set of bad news that all the owners of all the local petrol pumps, within a 5KM radius of my area, only have sons (damn u, sex ratio skew!)

And the price of petrol keeps rising….

My next idea was to completely say ‘No’ to petrol and use a cycle to go to work- so I bought a high end trekker mountain bicycle to juggle Bangalore’s stagnant city traffic. Moreover, I was proud of me going green. But I guess I achieved a third of the ‘blood, sweat and tears’ phrase a little too effectively. Office folks started gifting me deodorants and perfumes for no reason at all. People started spraying air fresheners wherever I sat. A nose by any other name smelt my cabin just as bad and I became known more for the nose rather than for my nose for details.People used to call me to their haunted houses to drive away the ancient ghosts that incidentally had very weak senses of smell. And for my appraisals, my boss ‘rewarded’ me with a years’ supply of Pears soap and Axe deo, in addition to a lecture on personal hygiene, body odor and other Raj-made natural calamities. Also, I realized that you can’t pick up women with a BSA SLR and that biker babes actually prefer bigger&better bikes. I thus realized that, in the interest of public welfare and hygiene, I seriously needed the petrol car and personal cleanliness back in my life and thus gave up on my bicycle.

And the price of petrol keeps rising….

My next bright idea was something I’m still proud of and I still think has potential. I thought of going up the ‘value chain’. So, instead of tackling issues at a local level, I thought of going to the root of it all– I’ll go to where it all begins – to the petrol-rich Arab sheikhs where the petrol story begins. I’m told that the Sheikhs marry so many women and have so many children that they themselves are confused which is whose(and vice versa). And I also heard from a lot of people that in the Arab states, petrol is cheaper than water. Since I hail from God’s Own Country and water is always in abundance during the monsoons, I could trade petrol for water(sheer brilliance, don’t you think?) And since everyone from Kerala, except my dad and mom, seem to be in ‘the Gelff’, I figured it’d be easy doing business there. But that dream was short lived when the immigration officer looked at my passport photo and asked me, “What are you?” and drove me back home.

And the price of petrol keeps rising….

I then realized that one definitely need a car in today’s times. Sure, hybrid cars are an option but they are still years away from being commercially sold in India. And the only available Indian electric car is hardly a car. And using the bus, car pool, auto etc require a certain level of planning and entails a certain loss of flexibility. You really need a personal means of transportation. It’s only then that my friend said that one really cool way of beating the fuel prices is to change from petrol to diesel. Diesel costs much cheaper than petrol and diesel cars give better economy, have better acceleration and have better resale values.Also, with the improvements in technology, diesel engine cars have become quieter, ensures a more comfortable drive for both the driver and passengers, with lower vibration levels, better fuel consumption and improved responsiveness. They’re less polluting too and it makes a lot of sense for me cos I drive a lot. Stats say that if you drive at least 13,000KM a year, then you should blindly opt for a diesel car.

And Fiat (yup, the same house that brings us the cute Padmini, the sexy Linea and the fiery Ferrari) has come up with an innovative Fiat Upgrade Offer where you can buy any Fiat Linea or Punto car today and you could get lucky with a free upgrade to Fiat Multijet diesel technology – all for the price of a petrol car.

So I figured the best way to beat the rising petrol prices is to forget the pump owners’ daughters, the body odor and the petro-sheikhs and just turn to Fiat diesel.

And the price of petrol keeps rising….

So?... What me worry?


You can check out more comments and thoughts on this same subject on my other blog here.

If you like this post, promote me at ib, like me on facebook, or follow me here.

If not, likewise.J


  1. nice one man. Had quite a few chuckles. And yes damn the ever rising prices.

  2. Thanks Nikhil.. thnx fr droppin by.. do drop by more often :)

  3. Brilliant. got to see one good post in the contest , finally!
    all the best.

  4. Good one RAJ..

    Stuck in a Foooren land without wheels... Aahh.. Bliss not to worry about the rising prices.. Although on the occasional visit back to Home land..Its quite a shock to see the rate of the damn thing rising

  5. Hey Sai, thnx so much fr ur kind words man .. really appreciate :)

    Hey Shrijeet, thnx fr droppin by man.. nice 2 knw u away frm the rise of the fossils :) do drop by more often dude :)

  6. That was a really humorous narrative. And nicely tied up to the theme without loosing the flow. Best of luck for the contest. My entry for the contest can be found here. Beat Fuel Hikes

  7. that was an awesome post-esp liked the one when the immigration officer says what r u? LOL

  8. Hey Lucifer, thnx a lot man fr ur kind words :) sure, just did :)

    Hey Sandy, thnx a lot fr droppin by n fr ur kind comments :)

    Hi Pramodji, thnx fr droppin by n fr the kind words :)

  9. well connected to the main theme. all d best.

    chk out my entry too @

  10. Thanks MBML.. thnx fr droppin by dude :)

    Thanks Sujatha.. did :)

  11. Had a blast reading it. With a name like your blog one is pleasantly surprised by the writing. Best of Luck for contest..if they ever announce a winner.

    It was great meeting u at indiblogger meet on Sat. If you have the f---ing time do drop in my blog-we would love it.

  12. Beer is way cheaper than petrol now! Soon there wont be any drunk driving cause there'll only be drunk walking :) atleast it'll be good for the pedestrians :D

    God knows how much more the prices will rise! When will it become clear that all of us aren't from the Adani family!

    Nice post :) Don't stalk the petrol pump owner's daughter, else he may burn you with the kerosene and petrol :P

    Take Care! :D

  13. Hey bemoneyaware, thnx fr ur kind words n the wishes :)

    Yup, it ws gr8 to hv met u too; I loved ur blog: I particularly liked the one on AB Corp :)

    Thnx fr droppin by :)

  14. Hey PhilO, welcum to my blog..nice to hv u here.. did u check my other blog? :)

    U said it, like someone ws tellin me, I'm thinkin of askin my company to pay my salary in petrol.. at least that way, I'm sure I'll get regular salary hikes ..:D

    Petrol pump's daughter?..nay.. I'm stalkin Adani's daughter nw :D

    Thnx fr droppin by PhilO.. hope 2 see u more often.. n if u get the time, it'll b nice to see u at my other blog too :)

  15. Hey :)
    Will surely go through your other blog :)

    Did you get Adani's daughter yet? Or did you land up with a black eye? :P

  16. Hey PhilO, well neither actually :) I'm nw tryin fr the Sheikh's daughter :D